Friday, May 29, 2015

What an emotional rollercoaster day!

It WAS an emotional rollercoaster day. This morning went fine... work wasn't too hectic, but when I came home at lunch time there was a note from my sister-in-law (SIL) asking if I had talked to my brother-in-law (BIL) and said that he had taken my sister's ashes out to the cemetery and that the cemetery would bury her ashes sometime between now and August and that way it would be done and we could have a small service then.  I freaked.  All I could think of is... what if they don't really bury her ashes, what if they put someone else in the grave with her?  I felt like it was abandonment. Talk about mind racing.  I felt like there needed to be a "chain of custody" thing (okay... we know we have my sister's ashes, they are not going to leave our possession until she is safely interred, witnessed by all who want to be there). I felt betrayed... when I left Spokane, it was with the decision (by her Spouse) that they would wait until I came back in August, to inter her then. And the anguish at the thought that she would be buried without someone there to watch/supervise.  I would CERTAINLY hope no one would do that to me.  I called my youngest nephew (my sister's youngest son...) and he didn't know anything about it. Of course... I was a basket case (and those that know me, KNOW that I am not like that very often).  He said he would check into it.  Then after work I had my Physical Therapy (last one... no amount of manipulation will help my hands, so it has been more of how to cope with it and minimize further damage). And the PT person looks SO eerily like my sister, its unnerving.   We finished up early enough that I was able to rush over and meet a co-worker to watch the movie "Aloha." I have to say, I REALLY enjoyed the movie because it had some Hawaiian music in it AND a LOT of scenes from around Oahu... worth going for that alone.  Afterwards I had some text messages from my sister's best friend... pics of the flowers she has put together for tomorrow and so I asked her if she knew about the ashes... she hadn't. But then right after that I got an email from my SIL that she had called the cemetery and the ashes weren't there and she spoke to my BIL and the ashes were still at the house (not sure if my younger nephew had contact his step-father, my BIL by then or not).    And then my sister's friend contacted my BIL and he got all upset about the issue. He is emotionally fragile right now anyway...  (he has beginning Alzheimer's and I would bet that he would meet the criteria for Asperger's).  About that time I was getting text messages from my other nephew's wife with concern about the location of the service (she hadn't been there before and it sounds like it is pretty run down and she doesn't think it will be big enough to hold everyone... and she feels her MIL deserved a nicer place). Anyway... I tried to get her to understand that it was there because my YOUNGER sister couldn't contact HER parish, (supposedly the priests were on retreat and apparently they DON'T ??? have a receptionist???).  And my younger sister wouldn't return my SIL's phone calls... (not to even let her know that she apparently couldn't get ahold of anyone)... so with my BIL being anxious about having all the pieces in place (and my SIL is dealing with her OWN health issues and issues of mortality right now), they went with a place they knew they could get.  Anyway... dealing with my nephew's wife about that... and I was still an emotional basket case and I can't cry and talk at the same time... I told her about the issue with the ashes (but reassured her they were still at the house).  And of course she became very upset too.  Then she talked to my nephew when he got home and he was upset and called my BIL who was very reactionary... but my nephew called me back and assured me that they would NOT try to inter my sister's ashes until I got there.  Because of my BIL's fragile emotional state... I would prefer if one of my nephews took charge of my sister's ashes.  Not just because of the incident today... but because he is like a reed in the wind, bending back and forth.  And, apparently he has been staying away from the house and not returning calls and he may just be spooked about having my sister's ashes at the house.

Hopefully the Memorial Service will go off without a hitch tomorrow and then they can talk about the ashes and the internment afterwards. I have asked folks going if they would post a lot of pictures while they are there... I hope so.'s 12:30am, I had better sign off and think about getting to bed.

- Kris

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